cusp of

So tmw, well actually 17hrs from now, Nero and I will be getting jumped into the swinger scene.  I’ve become friendly with someone who msg’d us in swinglifestyle.  She is going to introduce us to everyone she knows.  It’s our in, to get into other people’s pants.  

Where am I at in my desire for where this is going.  Idk.  I don’t know right this minute what I want, what I don’t want, much less how to sneak attack get it, or tricky-do not get it.  I really need to decide.

How do I feel about being in a threesome?  About some random dude idk his name, fucking me while Nero watches.  Nero no gonna be happy seeing some guy fuck me.  I know it.  I guess we’re about to find out.  

My prediction for Sat night outcome, we either get next to nothing from others, we get a little bone thrown our way or we fully swap with at least one couple.

Until tmw…


The Swinger scene

Nero and I have been hitting the southern California swinger scene.  Its a head tripper’s wet dream.  Oh the psych stuff.

Last weekend we hit a new group. It really does amaze me how different swinger groups are.  The hosts are either all about it, center pussy or all business, not participating.  Either/or they are very skilled in the craft of swinging.

The location is a building unidentifiable.   One block over is the water department for the city.  It’s night, the parking lot’s full.

We walk in and the woman at the front desk is 50-something, all business but very friendly. Nero states we have never been here before. The front desk woman gives us a run down. She says that we will fit in just fine, we look like all the people inside. Says stroll around, inside it goes in a circle, you can’t get lost. OK.

We walk in and are in the dance/DJ area. A little intimidating. We stroll around the circle. Nobody’s naked yet. Usually it’s hours before people get naked. Kinda sucks waiting and feeling like you’re in junior high at the dance, not getting asked to dance.

A couple occupying a love seat leaves so we snag it. This is where we remain all night.

2 guys and 1 girl come in the room and go to the bed. King size, has shear drapes hanging down around bed. You can see but you can’t see. They get down. She gave head to both at the same time while they both fingered her. One fucked her while the other got head. The usual.

Nero has to see stuff. All stuff. He gets high on it. Go boy go. I’ll be right here so we don’t lose our seats. He leaves me there to do a lookie-loo round. A very attractive late 40’s couple comes over by me and sits on some of the bdsm furniture next to me. The guy looks at me. Nero’s not there so IDK what to do. Don’t want him pissed I’m doing something not ok, aka without him. The woman asks, “Are you alone?” They saw a possible unicorn and were lit up. I replied, “My boyfriend is doing a lookie-loo lap. He’s gotta see everything. He’ll be right back.” They go back to starting to fuck.

Nero returns and I tell him “Sit. We’re gonna fuck these two.” He jumps up all excited. I tell him to sit. I swear if he would Robin my Batman I’d have us laid every time. But no, he’s over zealous and it puts people off. Not really caring much except this time I know I can get us a foursome right here, if he’d just stand down. He can’t contain himself and is all over the place. The guy asks if he can touch. I look to Nero and ask if it’s OK. No response from Nero so I tell the guy yes. He touches my breast briefly. They go back to fucking. Nero and I start in with him fingering me. He spreads my legs and about 40-50 people can now see my vagina. IDK.

The couple gets up and goes toward the bed. The woman says to me, “The bed’s free.” I take this to mean we are invited. I tell her, “Give me one sec, we’ll be there.” She nods. They hit the bed and start in by themselves.

I say to Nero, “There it is. You want a foursome? There it is.” He’s hesitant. I can tell there’s an insecurity issue or some shit. He says “I don’t know.” OK, totally fine. In my head I’m thinking “You don’t jump in here when opportunity presents, I don’t wanna hear any whining later about how we haven’t gotten any ass yet.” No jumping. The couple runs through the usual positions/acts and they are done. The woman looks to me as if to say WTF. I throw my hands up as if to say IDFK. She looks pissed, they leave the room. I’d be pissed if I was her. There goes our foursome action.

So we hangout on the love seat the rest of the night. He fingers me more, gets inside me twice, aka 40-50 people watch us fuck. Sorta. I was dry. Call in a shrink to deduce why. So he’s half in, we are in missionary. Then he’s half in, I’m riding him on the love seat. Sorta.

I had sciatica issue and so that was the end of the evening for us. We went back to the hotel, fucked, slept, fucked, left in the morning.

2hr drive to drop me off at my car. We chat. He again says something to the affect of I could have fucked that guy with the nice pp. I tell him I could tell even though he said it, it wasn’t ok with him. I tell him that when he had emailed me that he’d met a woman at a hotel room last month, when reading his email, I cried, it bothered me. He admitted he doesn’t know how he’d feel about watching some guy fuck me.

Where will we go from here?


You know what I hate?  When a guy wants to deeply kiss you while you cum.  I can’t breathe=I can’t cum.  Period.  Can you imagine a guy tolerating his ability to cum hindered by a women pushing her desire to kiss him while it happens?  Nope.  Cause it would never happen, ever, even once.  

And another thing I hate…guys who don’t know how to make me cum.  Not because they haven’t figured me out yet, but because they think they know how I’m supposed to cum and have tunnel vision with the shit.  

And OMG it makes me wanna scream when a guy has been trying for all of about 4 minutes to make me cum by fingering me and sighs as if saying my hands getting tired I can’t believe you’re asking this much of me?  Sweetie you should know I’m not expecting much from you, look at the size of your penis.


You can’t handle the truth

If I’m honest about my online adventures, you nut up.  If I lie about it, you can tell I’m lying and get pissed.  

You judge me for having multiple sex partners but you’re doing the same.  I may (or may not) have tapped more ass than you but we are both doing the same thing.  Don’t be jealous I get more ass than you.

It doesn’t make me a “whore.”  

Local ass no diff

So I rarely tap local ass.  Not tappin’ nearly as much ass as I had been, but local ass is even less, next to never.

Friend txt me and says “Yo I got dick for you.  Get up and come get it.”  I ignored her for a week or so, then started txting HR Block.  Wasn’t over impressed but was in need of new local ass so I pursued.  He was very smart/funny one night so I ended up going to his place at 12:30am.

He was very much a considerate host and gentleman.  Maybe a little too much so but it’s the Sahara desert when it comes to manners from a fuck buddy so I fucked him.  A little light on time spent actually inside me but heavy on attention to my orgasm.  

In the morning I leave and before I get home there’s txt from him saying he’ll be thinking of me all day.  Ought-oh.  Feels like a cling-on is about to emerge and ruin quality d.  

Gearing up to hit the hit n quit again

My interests in online dating/whoring has waned in the last 6+ mos.  The AM data breach scare, the lack of viable candidates, this summer’s events…I’ve not been as into it as I have been the last 1.5 years.  But I think I’m ready to run through again, balls in hand.

With my weight gain in the last 2 years I don’t feel as confident as I did.  Last night I went through profiles looking for the magic word: bbw.  I found one.  He isn’t bullshit, I’m fucking him.  Found 2 others that stood out and am going to “get to know further.”

Spent the night with Nero last weekend.  His social skills sucks asshole.  If he would say nothing I could get us laid a whole lot sooner.

So much disappointing sex, so little time

Everyone has those list items for them self, that they need/want/seek with regard to sex.  As do I.  I’d say at the top of that list is to have an orgasm, but I’d be setting myself up for disappointment.  So, realism in mind, at the top of the list is getting fucked hard from behind for a decent amount of time.

The last (I was going to figure out a calendar time frame but see that’s impossible as I’m coming up for a loss on when was the last GOOD) few months I’ve had nothing but a let down from sex with my dudes.  What is the fucking problem people?

While I do not think it is acceptable, I do see that the dominant male role in life is the overwriting factor in the global female sexual satisfaction problem.

Unsettling discoveries of online “dating”


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The male will go on and on talking about himself, who he is, what is going on his life, current life bullshit he’s dealing with, brag about what he’s done. Women, in the assigned supportive role, will listen to all. The man will never ask the woman for the same content or amount of information. If, and that’s iffy, the woman tries to talk of herself in the same manner the man does will not give the same listening ear. She will get cut off and the conversation topic is re-routed.

Now, this attitude from the man is carried over into their sex. From the start, the man dictates what’s included. He’s getting oral, and some time is going to be spent on it. He’ll correct and instruct during. What positions are done is his choice. Maybe the woman will request to do a position, and if so it will be afforded to her but it will be acknowledge in attitude and words that he’s giving this to her. More than likely the woman will receive oral but it will be of shorter duration than the man’s. She won’t correct or instruct and he won’t be doing it right, how she wants it. There’s a 50.1% chance the woman won’t orgasm. If the man tries to make the woman cum, she won’t. She might fake orgasm. The man may not even mention making a point to make the woman cum. The man might ask the woman if she came. “If you have to ask…” The sex will end sooner than the woman would like it to. The man will cum and he’ll cum where he wants to.

Why is this acceptable?

Disappointed and unsatisfied with the online ass


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It’s now been 1 year since I have ventured into the online ass acquisition. Why is it so f-in’ hard to find a fuck buddy that is good at the fucking and good at the maturity/respectability?  Fuck.

Every dude I have thought was the one that would be a sustainable fuck buddy has failed.  The norm thought is that the female is the emotional problem in the fuck buddy acquisition.   Nah.

Here’s what keeps happening…we have the front…what we lead off with as who we are, how we are with regard to a fuck buddy, what we are looking for in a fuck buddy, how we can/will/are unemotional and just wanna fuck the shit outta me any way I say I need to get off.  And then…AND THEN…

FUCK!  I keep searching myself for a change in my game play to pull this ideal fuck buddy outta said dude.  Is it not attainable?

Don’t get me wrong, I AM the best sex partner I’ve ever had but I really was wanting a team player to tag team my shit with.  I’m thisclose to giving up and accepting my party of 1 status.

Moment of silence ladies please.

27 yr old



I’m 41, as of last week, and last night/this morning I fucked a 27 yr old.  I do not understand the younger man thing. A 27 yr old and a 29 yr old in the last 6 months and neither of them was good. I didn’t cum, there was no intent on their part to make me cum, or desire to try.  Completely not in their head space. WTF! 

Today’s 27 yr old did not kiss me (just fine with me), did not suck/touch my tits (they are normally worshipped), fingered me for a sec then stuck his finger deep in my ass, then wanted his dick sucked, then started fucking me.

Happy medium. Youthful endurance and mature skill set.