“If you got a teardrop tattooed on your eye do not wink me nigga. That should be a checkbox on AshMad.”
So friend Claudia, not legally married-had religious ceremony, told her “husband” either let me fuck other people or I’m leaving you. She implied she wanted to have sex with women, but no, just men. So he says OK. Told her, “Gee great. He’s gonna think we’re having girl sex when you’re with me now.” And yeah, he’s already going there. But he’s a douche so IDGF.
So she tells me she’s dating online. I’m a online whoring virgin so I had to check out what she’s getting from men on this site. AshleyMadison.com This isn’t you’re daddy’s online dating site. It’s for married people to have affairs. I had no idea.
So I create an account to see what AshMad dudes are about. I mirror my profile after hers, reasonably, so I can get similar responses to hers.
When seeing how you can lay out your profile it came to my attention that I could fulfill my old fantasy of the older married man. But back in the teen years my fantasy was about a 40-42 yr old married man. Well I’m 40 so I’d have to aim older to get my fantasy. So I altered my profile to state that was what I was looking for.
Then the messages and winks started coming in. Your typical bs from dudes on the prowl. Lots of dic-pics sent to me. A 74 yr old man sent 1 pic of him and his wife and 1 pic of his crotch in a black mesh banana hammock with waistband that says “COCKSUCKA.” Eeew. But you go buddy.
So on occasion I have gotten messages that peeked my interest. Good sense of humor, higher intelligence than the average perv, etc. So I responded.
So the first man, Boss Hog, is 60, married 30yrs, a professional adulterer. He has a very specific plan in his head for how his relationship with me will go and he’s driving. He wants “to fall in love” with me, share his life with me, he’s in no hurry to hit it and quit it, or in a hurry to hit it period. He’s slowly building. However he doesn’t like it that I’m not married. My profile says I’m married. First time I met him in person I told him that I’ve never been married. He says it’s not fair to me, that he goes home to his wife/life and I don’t. That it’s gonna be a problem. He would prefer I was married and thus has put sex on hold until idk.
Drafted me a nice Dear Boss Hog letter to him this morning. Waiting on Claudia’s all clear to send. She’s taking the day off work today to fuck John, AM dude.
Second man I met in person, MomoMike, I had a couple of generic messages with then one night we started talkin’ nasty to each other and it was hot! Did him at the momo the next day. I’m surprised at myself. I didn’t know I had it in me.
I’ve repositioned my defense strategy in the 3 months I’ve been whoring online with Claudia. Random sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Slower build now.
Third man (haven’t met in person yet), Nero, 50 (according to his profile, which is a serious stretch of the truth) lives 2 hours away, is a big boy at work. He doesn’t know I know who he is, or know his real name. Not my “type” physically. But I am very much enjoying flirting intelligently with someone who can keep up. Typical verbal output…sex with my wife (who I love and don’t want to hurt) is routine and non-existent….blah, blah, blah.
My friend Claudia, says the most intellectual ghetto insightful funny shit. Examples…
12/21/14: “Dude. Fucked Al this a.m. and we ended up talking so nasty. I think this nigga wants anal & bondage more than me. Wouldn’t let him cum until he said, “Mommy, can I please cum now?” He said it & that nigga was hard as steel. Freak!”
12/9/14: “If that’s going in my ass, I’m gonna WD-40 that mofo.”
12/15/14: “Took pics of my asshole. Don’t like it.”
12/23/14: “You have a world renown genius curled up into the fetal position, dribbling semen out his dick with nothing but your finger. I’m scared of YOU! Goldfinger!!! Teach me Bitch!”