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You’re on Ashley Madison, throwing me lines like “I haven’t met anyone from AshMad yet” or aka “This is my first time, please be gentle with me” or “I love my wife she just has a low sex drive and so I need to find satisfaction elsewhere” or “I’m not looking to disrupte anyone’s life, just enhance it” or “My wife has a physical problem which prevents her from enjoying sex as she used to” or “My favorite thing is to eat pussy so I hope you enjoy it” or “I’m good in bed.  I know it so I’m saying it” or “It’s all about you.  You’ll cum 3 or 4 times before I do.”  Shut the fuck up.

I can feel myself hardening from online dating.  Powering up on the knowledge I’m gaining but damn dude, I will fuck the shit out of you whenever you want, however you want.  All you have to do is not show me your daytime gig is douching.