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This is what he put in his profile.  WTF?

“If you want someone with a great personality and a sense of humor that knows how to keep a relationship alive, keep reading.

I do not have tatooes, I do not smoke and I’m not a drunk. Yep, you’ve struck gold. I’m not interested in a phone relationship. If you have no intention of meeting in person then please move along. Chances are if you’re not in the area you’re just wasting my time.

I’m looking for a SLIM, SWEET, sexy girl without attitude. Don’t be offended, I’ve tried the rest, we all have our preferences. Please have an income, a car and your own cotton balls.

I have what you need – do you have what I want? I just want one thing from you… c’mon let me ride your bicycle, I want to ride your bike…

I’m looking for my sole mate. I think we can all agree that wearing the right pair of shoes is very important. While style is important, I believe that they also need to be comfortable. Have you found your sole mate yet?

Overly brilliant, uncommonly nice. Positively fun, enjoy playing with ice. Perfectly normal, insanely mad. Humor uncommon, wit to the wise. Lets carve a pumpkin with beady little eyes. I’ll come as a pirate, eye patch and hook. Just give me a nice cranny with a little nook. What was it you said? What was it you heard? I’m a mystery man – a dangerous nerd. So give me a break and give me a chance, treat me with sweetness and I’ll give you my lance.

I like to dance, listen to music, stargaze, watch electricity & fires, train guard bunnies and I hope to get married and have kids. And then my wife & children will entertain me. I also like dogs. But not the sloppy ones that drool and slobber. A man has to have standards. A well trained pet is a happy pet, and a happy pet makes their owner happy. What about you? Are you happy? Do you think you could make me happy? Do you slobber? What did I just tell you about slobbering? Are you well trained or will you need training? We’ll talk about it.”

And he wonders why he’s not getting laid.

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