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Am I only holding on to CableGuy because I want to be the winner?  I know a part of me doesn’t want to let go of a fuck buddy…what if it doesn’t work out with DonJuan?  Then I’ll be fuck buddy-less.  I really think more of the reason is I want him to want me, more than he currently does.  But I don’t want a bf/gf from him so WTF is my problem?  There’s intimacy between us and I don’t know why because he’s a smart, normal guy?

It does piss me off he’s not wanting me more, to fuck me more often, or to move to bf/gf with me.  Again, I’m not wanting bf/gf from him but I want him to want this.  Walking contradiction.

I don’t know where he and I are, or where it will go, or how or when it will end.  Kinda feels like the end is in sight.  Once there is a tiffle things change.  No more romanticized ideal, it’s tainted.

I feel angry at him.  He’s done nothing wrong.  Attitude a little less than gracious but not so bad.

Sex round 1 – then the wait period and he quickly falls asleep.  He says he took cold medicine, but still I’m not feeling worshipped as he’s snoring in his chair.  I need to get over it.  I’m only hurting myself.  I will NEVER get perfect actions from a dude, much less an AshMad ass dude.

CableGuy is egocentric.  He’s smarter than the rest of us and he knows it.  He’s laid back but it’s the laid back kinda passive aggressive that when he flips he’s ruthless and detached about it.

I am just ass to him and I no likey.  But he’s the same to me so why am I not OK with it?  Cuz I’m not winning.  Stupid.

So distance myself from CableGuy and power up, I am leaving CableGuy’s house and going directly to DonJuan’s house.  2 dudes, 1 day.  It’s like you want more after fucking me?  I’ll one up you and leave your house and go directly to bigger dick that lasts longer inside me.  Like this is gonna make it not hurt when I see CableGuy’s logged in to AshMad the next time.

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